Ahimsa Day 2.
Ahimsa, the first Yama of yoga’s ethical practices. Being the first of the jewels, it is known as the foundation that the remaining principles must be built upon. It is translated as “nonviolence” or “do no harm”. This does not just refer to egregious acts, but also more subtle external and internal actions that lead to suffering.
Is it possible to live a lifetime free of committing any harmful acts? Absolutely not. By design, we as humans are flawed. In fact, we likely cause small acts of harm on a regular basis, to ourselves and others. But what about the grosser acts that all humans will inevitably cause at some point on this earthly plane?
Even those with a strong moral compass will lose their way. Even those with the kindest of hearts will hurt those they love the most. Even those with the purest intentions will allow the complexities of life muddy the waters.
This does not justify the wrongdoings, this does not repair the destruction that has been caused, this does not erase the pain that is left in the aftermath. As one who has both received and caused great harm, I dive into the meaning of Ahimsa to both understand how I have hurt and how I can heal.
Courage is required to fully and openly accept responsibility for my actions. Courage is required to admit my mistakes and stare them head on. Courage is required to ask for forgiveness to those I’ve hurt and expect nothing in return. Courage is required to live with myself with compassion, knowing that I am not a terrible person, but a person who did a terrible thing. Courage is required to take a deep dive inward, facing my own inner turmoil with a discerning eye, so that I do not repeat what I cannot take back.
Deborah Adele writes, "To create a life in a world free of violence is first and foremost to find our own courage." I have been living as a coward but I now have the courage.
I do not write this to be self-serving, absolve myself of responsibility. I do not write this to clear my heavy conscience so that I can move forward freely. I write this to fully accept the anguish that I have caused. I write this to acknowledge the weight I will carry for my selfish acts. I write this to apologize from the depths of my soul to those I love and those I do not know.
My practice of Ahimsa was lost and so was I. For all of these things, I am truly sorry.
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